the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
