Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
