Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
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