take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
