My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
