So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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