"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
