guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
