You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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