Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
