You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
