it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
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I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
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My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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