I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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