He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
