Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
