i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
false alarm. still invincible.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
