ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
