"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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