If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
