well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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