You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
