I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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