FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
where does the pee come out of this thing
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think a kid would responsible me up
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
