Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
