chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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