Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
3 2 1 whiskey
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
