Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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