I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
