Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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