I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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