There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
