She is in my trunk
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
