Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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