I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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