If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
