i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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