so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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