the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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