well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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