You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
