i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
