can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
