yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
