She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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