Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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