Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
