Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
