remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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