Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
