I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
