I hope mine doesn't look like that
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
