Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
