So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize