i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
