I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
