how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
