what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
