what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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