No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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