Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
50% drunk capacity currently
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
