I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
