there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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