Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
