Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
