He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
