Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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