What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
