Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
