Will you blow on my dice?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
