hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
