Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
