shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
