One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
