So drunk its hurt
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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